say a little prayer

I pray for strength.

To know when to hold on and when to let go.

I pray for clarity.

To understand things as a whole and not just parts.

I pray for guidance.

To know what is is right and what to do.

But most of all, I pray for peace of mind.

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I feel heavy. I have that sinking feeling something is wrong. Something is yet again out of place. I can't talk about it too much with anyone because everything I will do and have done is and was my decision.

it's seasonal

It was a strange dream.

My family and I were leaving. All our bags, including sleeping bags, were packed and stacked inside the jeepney. We hugged my aunts, uncles (including one who already passed away*) and relatives while saying our goodbyes.

The whole street was lined with our neighbors and family as we waved our hands. I had that heavy feeling knowing I won't see them for a long time.

There were people in my dream who I haven't seen for years. Some who I don't even know why they were in my dream in the first place. :S

* To my uncle - I still miss you. It was nice to see you if only for a little bit. This is not the first time I said goodbye to you in a dream and I have a feeling it won't be the last. Your laugh and your good nature will be with us forever.
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If no one reads me do I still matter?

I'll find out in a few years from now when I look back at how my life was. :)
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My patience for anything and anyone that irks me is getting exceptionally short. I feel like work has taken a lot out of me (more so recently) and without those little breaks wherein I get to vent or laugh, I will eventually blow at someone. Burst for their rudeness, demands and ungrateful ways.

One more implied comment about how their taxes pay for me and I will just have to say, "don't you think I pay enough taxes to not be treated like shit?".

Sigh.

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It's November.
Hello Christmas decorations.
Hello winter.