Monday, November 29, 2010

breaking point

I reached my breaking point Friday night at work. Frustrated, cranky and hungry does not mix well together. I was beginning to feel sick from all the nonsense that I informed them I'm not coming back the next day. I got home at 10:30 half-frozen and convinced that I can't be a superwoman. I guess the upset stomach I had to endure the next day was the last straw to convince me that my decision was right.


Family member: I would like to pay for a private nurse.

Me: Sure, but I would suggest hiring a personal aid worker instead of a nurse. I can provide you the number and you can ask about the cost you will have to pay.

FM: You won't pay for that?

Me: No. She does not need it in my opinion.

FM: The other patient in the room called for a nurse and it took 5 minutes for the nurse to come.

Me: *blank look*


Did he just say 5 minutes?? I guess we are all suppose to be like Flash - right where you want in a blink of an eye. Who cares if we're in report to know whats going on? I guess it doesn't matter if we're with another patient because we are expected to be in two places.

Did someone call for Super(wo)man?

Wait, let me get my cape.


Three group of friends translates to three different holiday get-together. Did I mention two groups out of the three are nurses which means there's at least one with a different shift?

Is it just me or does life generally revolve around work?


Tomorrow, I will change my opinion and say life is about friends, family, love and experiences.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

pardon me

There it is again. I see a crack that gradually gets bigger and more noticeable. Ugh, it's annoying.

Is it me or is it him? I can't really tell. It seems like all signs are pointing in my direction but I'm sure I can convince any jury to conclude otherwise.

Sometimes I feel one of us is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whatever that means. It's like a game, no one wants to give up but with a little more patience, surely one will have to speak up eventually.

He denies it, but why do I still feel this way? If being needy was a skill, I may have perfected it. If being insensitive was a job, he could have been the boss.

How can we fix the problem when only one person believes it is a problem? Questions, questions.

La di da, nothing is wrong.

La di da, am I just predicting another tragedy?

La di da, just tell me if it's over.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

and then

Dream #192

grade 6 classroom. the teacher handing out test papers. I asked if math was today and he said yes. I panic. I certainly didn't review algebra. one paper after another was filled out with uncertain answers. I cursed myself for not studying. the results were back, all of them around 50%. impossible. I am smart afterall. wth happened?


Dream #193

elementary school. there was some sort of program. I went up the stairs with papers in my hand. he came out of nowhere. he said he'll walk with me. the rooms were all dark but there were students inside. I said I can't stay there by myself so we walk back to see the program instead. I saw his wife and kid.


Dream #194

it was a beach or a lake. there was a bridge. I was curious. there were pigs of different sizes with their heads slightly cut off. they're breathing. a little bit farther were gigantic pigs. I was scared. one started to bite me aggressively. I ran away.


I am used to having strange dreams now. Most of them are connected to what I see or talk about during the day and it is quite amusing to look back.

As long as I don't wake up with my heart beating fast or a tear on my eye, I don't mind my dreams anymore.

Friday, November 5, 2010



Valuable lesson for today: Learn to trust again


So far, I've survived two long days of being in-charge. It is a gruesome position to be in and definitely not for the faint of heart. I extended my 12 hour shift to 13.5 hours with only 15 minutes of break. Superwoman? Nope. A skeleton in the making - if I'm not considered as one yet. Erm.


I looked at myself in the mirror today and realized that I lost weight in my face yet again. Sigh. This weekend will be dedicated to fattening myself to look at least healthy. It is bad enough that the sleep fairies are on strike again and forgotten to visit me but to wake up in a panic remebering details of the days work is worst. Stress is not my friend.

I am escaping a day of in-charge to attend a conference.

Sleep fairies, please don't visit me there. Erm.

The winter blues are slowly creeping in. I will therefore need to be like a "camel", absorb all the sunshine I can get when there is one.

Why can't there be a sunflower-producing-sunshine like in PvZ? Then again, I don't want zombies to be real either.


I have spent far too much with the new toy. I need a distraction.

I am definitely suffering from ADD.