Friday, October 29, 2010

when do we cry?

Reality television convinced us that you know it's the wedding dress for you when you or your family shed some tears.

We had a blast yesterday - a friend, my cousin, brother, sister and myself.

The first wedding dress she ever put on might be an actual contender. There were no tears, but there was definitely a look of amazement from all of us. It doesn't hurt that whatever she tried on fits so well - except one frilly-apparently-trendy dress no one cared for.

Excitement is definitely in the air. Time is going by so fast!

When asked, how long of a train would you like on your dress?:

A bride would say: Short? Long? Which do you think would look better?
A bride who happens to be a nurse might say: Ewww. Definitely not long, hello...infection control. It'll be dragging on the ground!


I have a feeling that if she does get a long dress, I will be holding it the whole time. She did say I'm the MAID of honor. Erm.

And because I am easily swayed by something catchy, regardless if the song has a meaning or not, I am stuck with:

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
by: Far East Movement
I am experiencing calm before the storm.
Dun dun dun.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

ahhhh..says the crazy lady

I had a trial run at being the in-charge nurse on Monday and all I can say is - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I am now convinced that back-breaking physical work is by far easier than dealing with everything else that goes on. No, it's not easy to know everything about 30 patients on top of dealing with surgery schedules, family appointments, discharge plans and the new admissions to the hospital.

It is challenging to follow doctors around and talk to them when some of them look at you like a young kid who does not know what she is doing. It is frustrating and frankly, a tad annoying.

It is even more fun when so many people talk to you at the same time.

This is deja vu.

The only difference is, I am expected to be in this position for at almost a month.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

i heard

Will you stir, still or stand the storm?

This was the message from the pastor today. It brought me to tears. I have gone through storms both weak and strong in my life. There are times that it made me question my faith, forget the blessings I have been given and doubt the existence of God. It is not easy being a Christian afterall.

I seldom talk about religion as I can only hope that people around me know through how I live my life. I am not perfect though and I don't think I ever will be. I have sin and will sin. I can only strive to be better.

I only need to believe.

I just need to constantly remind myself that no matter what kind of storm comes my way, God will be with me and that every thing has a purpose.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

flip flop

Every now and then, I feel the need to justify why I still keep a blog. Does it still serve as a diary that stores my feelings and thoughts only to betray me eventually? Is it for venting purposes that provide some sort of emotional catharsis? Am I writing to remember?

It's been three years - longer if I count the one I deleted.

I found a restaurant wherein I don't mind sitting alone and eating on my own pace. Sometimes, I find having a date with myself can be therapeutic.

As my sister's maid of honor, I am useless. :S

I have no idea what I need to do or at least what is expected of me. I like research work but I am clueless on how to plan parties and play host for all of them. Eek.

I'm not the one getting married but I am stressed.

Is it time to say goodbye yet?

Monday, October 18, 2010

it's time for a break

I had a breakdown after my extended nine hour shift last Saturday. It took a lot of effort not to shed a single tear during those hours considering I was mentally, physically and emotionally tired.

The day started off heavy as I said goodbye to a grieving family. They thanked me for the care I had provided even though it was only for a few hours. Dealing with death early morning did not make for a good start.

Unfortunately, it went downhill after that.

I was literally running with only a meal supplement in my stomach that I forced myself to take as breakfast. Complications after complications unfolded until I was watching the doctor do chest compressions on my patient. Everyone knew how far from my element I was. It was my first code*.

After the incident, I held my composure as I reassured my student and thanked everyone for their help and support. I asked J to pick me up and cried as soon as I sat down.

I keep asking myself, why did I choose to be a nurse again?

I ate lunch at 5 pm that day.

*code blue = indicates patient requiring immediate resuscitation*

Monday, October 11, 2010

a night like this

Message sent:
Sometimes I wish you would have a little more insight or even sensitivity to know when something is wrong.
Message recieved: