Tuesday, April 27, 2010

i must be another year older

The weekend was both fun and tiring. I celebrated my birthday on three separate occasions - at home, dinner with J and a gathering after church. The last one happened because J's parents found out after a church member greeted me. I don't like to be the center of attention but who says no to a generous gift like that? Erm.

This year, I received money (yey), a single rose and a very amusing card from a friend and a Coach bag.

J for some reason decided not to get me a gift. *rolls eyes* I am somewhat disappointed as I am a very sentimental person. I wasn't expecting an expensive gift but some sort of effort would have been fine. Sure, dinner was great but I like something tangible. I would have appreciated a card or something equally thoughtful and meaningful.

I guess this just proves we are not in the courting phase of our relationship anymore. We are in the comfortable phase wherein things are just "understood". Sigh.

(I'll just have to share the same sentiments on his birthday. Hahaha)

I have yet to receive approval for my June/July vacation. Hmp.

Friday, April 23, 2010


I am now 26 years old.
I spent the first 10 minutes of my birthday frantically writing the last things I did for my patients. I was very optimistic at the start of the shift but things went downhill after that.
Next year, I'll make sure that I'm not working before, the day of and after my birthday.
On a side note, J decided to open up the prospect of buying a place together. I coyly said no but since he didn't seem to get the hint, I ended up saying "you haven't even asked me to marry you, you're already asking to buy a place with me?". Of course, it kinda took him by surprise. I gave him a smile and said my good bye as I got out of the car. He was afterall nice enough to pick me up from work and drive me home.
Was that a little to blunt though? Erm.
I bought myself a new shirt for my birthday. That is all. :S

Monday, April 19, 2010

if i had a penny for everytime...

Only one more week and I'm gonna be another year older! I feel older - in numbers but not in spirit. ;)


It's a habit. I click, click and click until I arrive at something interesting. Today, this is what I found:

I just love cherry blossoms. It's a short film called Five Centimeters per Second. I wish to be walking along cherry blossoms in Japan one day. :)

Two trips to the mall with nothing to show for. What's wrong with me? Am I unconsciously holding my purse a little tighter than usual? Ugh. I can't even find anything new to wear for my birthday. :(

The weirdest advice I have EVER received: Why don't you get pregnant so your bf would marry you.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

let me go

Don't let it be true.

I don't want the rule of three's to be true.

Today was day two of feeling down. Outside reflected how we felt inside. Unexpected events that led to news that left us wanting to get it over with. I escaped with four hours less in what could have been a gruesome usual shift. The rest, I hoped for the best.

I want to go away - even for a while.

I need complete detachment. I need some peace of mind.

I'm sorry, it's not your fault.

It really isn't.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


You know what's hard about being in the medical field? It's the paranoia that comes with it. The fear of losing my license because I didn't document something that happened or something I may or may not have done. It's that nagging feeling that if I forget to do something important it will haunt me three years later in a court case. It's tiring. My stress level and sanity is always on the line. Being a nurse means that I don't get to go home and leave my work where it belongs, at work. It follows me everywhere I go.

Did I also mention that I am constantly thinking about what kind of diseases I may or can have? Do you know how many patients of mine are in their 20s? It's depressing. It's scary. It's unbelievable.

Sometimes, I really don't know why I chose this profession.

It's one of those days that I can't possibly vent at work anymore. We are all in it. Unfortunately, I can't vent to anyone outside of the medical field either, no one understands. Besides, is it really fair for them to share these kind of things?


I'm done.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

ups and downs

I finally had the chance to use what I had learned in elementary - alphabet sign language. In between communicating with gestures, writing on a pad, using an interpreter and broken sign language, I think things went well.

I actually feel good about something.

It's been a long time.

This weekend, I managed to walk away with my sanity and cool intact. One of my pet peeves is when people talk to me as if I don't understand what they're saying when they're clearly just being hard-headed (and other other words I won't use) and unreasonable.

I wanted to scream "do you hear yourself talking?!!!!" but instead manage to blurt out "what would you like me to do?".

Do I need to wear a disclaimer on my badge that says: (a) I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE (b) You don't know what you're talking about (c) think before you talk

Ugh. I should stop before I actually say something. Erm.

Sunshine when I'm working then rain when it's my weekday/end off. Hmp.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

i like your warmth

Did I already mention that I'm a jealous girlfriend? If so, then I am saying it again. Sigh.

During a sleepover at J's, I woke up after a brief nightmare. I was so scared that I had to wake him up to tell him I had a bad dream but didn't dare to go in to details. You see, I am tied to the past. My subconscious seems to always connect about the days in Philippines whether or not I think about it/them.

It's always about the past or work-related dreams. I don't know why but I want it to stop.

I would like it if I don't have dreams or at least not have to wake up in the middle of the night with a bad one.

My birthday plans are not working out - (1) I am working nights, which means I'll be at work when the clock strikes midnight. Sigh. (2) I've been invited to a gathering on my birthday weekend. I am torn. (3) I don't know what to do

This weekend will be lovely. I promise (to try) to be a little more patient, a little more cheery and a little less mad.