moody

I'm not sure what it is but I have been very moody. Again.

I'm annoyed at things that I may have found amusing at one point. I pick fights for no reason. I even have this constant urge to hang up the phone just because.

And then I catch myself thinking, what am I doing? But of course, it's too late and my pride can't help but be stubborn. Unfortunately, the only thing that jolts me back to reality is when guilt starts to sink in. It's a cycle that I am fully aware of but can't seem to control.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be healthier if I just forgo one day without any communication. It's not his fault. I just want to save his sanity from figuring out why I am upset or mad. It may eventually shed some light to my silliness and when it does, I can finally stop taking him for granted.

About an hour ago, this is what I did. We were talking for about 30 minutes when he decided he'd like to take a nap. As soon as he said it, I said bye and covered the mouth piece of the phone. He was saying my name but I just didn't feel like responding anymore. And I don't even know what was upsetting about it because I knew we would talk later anyway. Sigh.

It scares me that one of these days he'll stop calling back every time I do that and it will be my fault. Sigh.