and they say first impression lasts

As a nurse, my first impression of a person changed. Not completely but it's there, in the back of my mind seeping through unconciously.

When I look at someone's eyes, I check if it dilates and if it's even. PERLA assessment in my head: check.

When I look at your arms, I don't exactly look for tattoos. I scrutinize how well I can see your veins. Can I start an IV on you or are you going to give me a hard time taking blood? If you seem weird, I might even check for injection marks. Drug abuse? Errr.

When I see a little bit of belly, I don't necessarily think beer belly or baby bump. A checklist goes though my head: constipation? passing gas? last bowel movement? nausea?

When I estimate how much you weigh, it's because I am wondering if I can pull you out of bed when needed and how much strength I will need to turn you from side to side while lying in bed.

After I finally get the chance to talk to you, I am analyzing what kind of a patient you'll be. Will you call me to pick up things you accidentally dropped on the floor? Will you give me a hard time if I didn't give you your medications at the exact time? Or will you be laid back and trust that I will do everything I can to make you feel better?

I'm really doing a head to toe assessment and a mental status in a minute.

If it's my day off, then I stick to hi, how are you and nice to meet you. :P

**

I think my time management at work is getting better. I even have time to sit before the end of the shift now. Sure, there's a few off days wherein I'll still be running until the last minute saying bye to my patients and assuring them that the next nurse will know what happened to them while I was their nurse. It's funny though how chocolates/food given by patients or their family makes us feel better though. We all smile and secretly pat our backs that we did all we could. And who would have thought being able to pee would warrant a celebration which would include giving me a perfume? :)

dream #95

Going out with Daniel Craig as James Bond. :S

I don't know how it happened since I haven't seen the movie since who knows when and I don't find him attractive. Was it the fit body? the coolness oozing from every move and show of attitude he makes? or was it because my mind is slow to react?

In any case, my sister told me to never tell anyone.

Oops, too late. :S

to you

I haven't said hello to you for the longest time. The last time might have been after you called our house to talk to my dad. A brief conversation that I barely remember but the echo of your voice remains. I guess, this time around all I can say is goodbye.

I'm sorry for not being able to attend your son's wedding. I didn't know it'll be my last chance to see you.

The most vivid memory of you was when your family visited us in Philippines. I said to myself that you looked like Santa Claus, with your white long beard and heavy frame. But looks can be deceiving because you are a biker. You proudly showed your tattoo and pictures of your priced possession, a Harley Davidson bike. I was very shy around you because my capacity to fluently carry on a conversation in English was limited. You were contented to hear us giggle and nod every now and then. I also remember when you told us that wrestling was fake. I couldn't believe it but I knew that deep inside you would know about it more than a kid.

That's all I remember...

Your deep laughing voice still resonates though.

I will always remember you whenever I see a Harley Davidson bike. Did you know that I once thought about asking a bunch of bikers at Mt. Rushmore if I could take a picture with them? They looked like you and I was fascinated with their motorcycles.

I know you left us doing what you loved and enjoying the last days of your life. I'll keep the little bits of memory I have of you and smile when I see HD passing by.

:)

long weekend what if...

If he was here:
- somewhere in Niagara having lunch and shopping
- at my house being a couch potato watching Discovery channel
- dinner and a movie
- church

If I have a car and know how to drive one:
- one night in Niagara with whoever is available
- mall/park hopping
- doing random errands for the sake of getting out of the house

If I'm the independent type:
- mall/park hopping
- lunch and dinner at different restaurants (since my parents are not here again for a week)

And other endless possibilities...

So far, half of this long weekend was spent:
- webcam-talk on MSN with him
- haircut (shorter and more errr Asian? haircut. haha) and dinner with a friend
- laundry
- cleaning the house
- watching TV, listening to music and browsing endlessly

Sigh. But things are well and I am a happy camper nonetheless (save for the tragedy that happened to a family member). It's always a wake-up call when a life ends unexpectedly.

Countdown: 19 more days til he comes back. Yey!