it keeps going

Saturday night was a disaster.

It started off as any other night we've been having - quiet and steady. Sure, quiet is a word no one dares to utter and acknowledge for fear it will change within a blink of an eye but we all knew that it was the word that defined the night before. A word that we hoped will continue through our weekend shift.

Pass midnight was when things got out of hand. I can still recall the events leading up to what is the most traumatizing experience I've had since working as a nurse and I'm still playing it in my head over and over again. Everyone, including management, was in disbelief about what they heard Sunday morning. A psychiatric nurse was even sent on our floor, during our shift to debrief and allow us to talk about our experience. It was that bad.

None of the staff was physically harmed but we're all emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I have never feared doing my rounds at night with a mere flashlight as I check if everyone is breathing and alive until this happened. I'm hoping this feeling will only last me a night or two because paranoid thoughts will not do me or anyone good.

I guess this is all part of nursing anyway.
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The psych nurse suggested that "if you're a writer then maybe you'll find it helpful to write about it". I'm not a writer but I'm a blogger.... does that count?

Besides, I can't write the whole account due to confidentiality issues anyway. Sigh.

Is it time to get back to Dear Diary?

Erm.
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Dream #129:

It was some sort of elementary and highschool reunion. J and I were sitting on the floor while I looked around as I mentally gave names to faces I haven't seen for years. One of my friends sat beside me holding my left hand while J held my right. The doors opened and everyone started to head to that direction. Inside looked like the interiors of a church with wooden pews and an altar at front while tucked in the corner was a huge screen TV playing a hockey game. I looked at J's direction while apologizing that I didn't know there was going to be a Catholic mass.

An announcement was made to head towards our right and follow the procedure. Another guy from elementary introduced himself to J because I had a mental block and couldn't remember his name. The instruction was to write my name on a piece of paper, roll it up and drop it somewhere. Apparently it was some sort of math/business game wherein they'll partner you up with a company and you get to decide the strategies.

Great, I hate math and what do I know about business was the only thing I could think of.

The end.
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I woke up at 3 in the morning and read a dozen pages of The Devil Wears Prada before I decided to eat my breakfast.

It's 6:30 now and I'm hoping my body and mind will cooperate this time and let me sleep a little longer.