calm is the word

Allow me to vent:

There are times when at least half of my energy is solely devoted to stopping myself from blurting out - what the fuck is your problem?

I'm a fairly patient person so I am not exaggerating when I say that I've reached my boiling point. Sometimes I want to say, if you don't have the balls to say half of the things you mumble in my face or the decency to look me in the eye, then shut up.

I am not one to swear, so when I do, I mean it.

I am just so fucking irritated.

I really needed to vent so I can get it out of my system.

click

Something positive for a change:

I finally bought myself new lens for my underused camera. Hopefully, it will reignite my dormant creative self.

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J: You don't like the lens that I got you?
me: It's okay but I told you I liked this one better.

* he refused to buy me the lens because he thought it was too cheap *

Hmp!
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Another reason to celebrate: Goodbye student loans!

question

When does a headache stop being just a headache?

pitter patter

There's something about tonight that's making me feel iffy. The sound of rain doesn't exactly help to alleviate the anxiety I'm experiencing at this moment. It's almost impossible to think of positive things and with the lights off, there's no distraction either.

In the heat of the moment, I looked at him only to find myself staring at someone who wasn't there. Unfortunately, I have no control over my emotions. I'm not even sure if I laughed or cried as soon as I noticed it but I do know that tears filled my eyes as soon as I absorbed what went on.

Tonight, I believe raising the white flag is appropriate. I give up. Maybe there is no point in controlling something or more appropriately someone when everything you do goes against their nature.

I then imagined how things could have been if things were different. It doesn't hurt to dream once in a while.

Out of frustration, I suggested we give each other a break. Maybe spending time only on weekends is sufficient and phone calls everyday are not necessary. I wonder how long it will last until one of us cracks.

I'm convinced it will be me.

I blame the rain.

A few more sob stories like this and I will delete this blog for containing to many evidence of how pathetic I make my life to be.

time well wasted

Funny thing happened:

After I wrote a paragraph or two of how I've been wasting my time, I accidentally hit the back button and I lost my entry. Erm.

Perfect example of wasted time I must say.
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If I type this --> @_@ what does it mean? How about --> *_*

I have nothing better to write really.
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On a random note, I decided that I will try my best to occupy my days off not just twiddling (yes, I looked it up just in case I made up that word) my thumb as I anticipate the day I will be back to work. And no, it's not because I love working but because I am anxious. Erm.

- I finished two books and continue to hunt for the next must-read-one-more-page book I can find. Yey for Ibooks and Kobo application for enticing me to browse and browse and browse and easily waste 30 minutes looking for a free book. Erm.

- Be amused by YouTube videos of communitychannel.

- Browse recipes on Epicurious that I will eventually (keyword) attempt. I have yet to cook a thing in my life that will make my mom proud. Sad for a 26 year old female. Erm.

- Attempt to successfully make a pamphlet for work to distribute to uninterested colleagues or patients. This undertaking should have taken me a week in my younger years *cough-bad excuse-cough* but is now dragging on for months. wtf. Erm.

- Write an entry for me to read when I'm old and gray.

As you can see, my life has been monotonous. Any attempt to make it otherwise has been blocked by my need to rest, laziness and lack of companion.

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Dear Ipad,

Don't ever leave me for my life will be dull.

Wt.