stress buster

Every patient and every case is different. Unfortunately, not all surgeries turn out the same because some turn for the worse, at times unexpectedly. Then there are the routine ones and miracles we all want to hear about.

Every now and then, I deal with death. The gasping for air and the different smell it produces. The system slowly doing weird things enough to result in many phone calls to doctors, other nurses and apologies to other patients for ignoring them. I cried once while watching the struggle. It reminded me of something personal and it was painful to watch and admit that there's nothing else I could do. I stepped away from the room, trying to hold back tears and compose myself to be professional. The emotional burden it creates is something to be aware of. I am constantly reminding myself to leave work at work but its easier said than done. I think about my patients and at times tempted to call to make sure I left them in good condition. It is something I intend to change.

Yesterday was one of those days. Death hovering around the corner and we could feel it. It has been a while since I had to prepare a body and although it was less traumatizing than I had imagined, I do not want to do it again.

I was almost in tears yesterday too. It didn't help that I had lunch at 4 pm with only a cup of tea to keep me going since waking up at 5 in the morning. I ate a wrap in 10 minutes and gulped a tall glass of smoothie before heading back out to face the rest of my 12 hour shift. It was definitely a stressful day. Sigh.

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Today's a snow day.
I left the couch only to get food and washroom breaks.
I'm still here waiting for a call.
Iritated at every minute passing by without the phone vibrating.
Sigh.

I wish I could make snow angels instead.