vent #19

Yesterday, my mind just about exploded as I organized the million and one things I had to do. I had to step out for about 10 minutes every now and then to take a break and have peace and quiet. You see, having your name called by 5 different people in different directions while the phone rings on top of the call bell signals can be confusing if not frustrating. It is even more impossible when two or three people talk to you simultaneously about different things. :S

And after all that you are still expected to know the state of about 30 patients - down to the last detail.

Blurb.

Then finally, you get the complaints about why you did something a certain way. Erm. Sometimes I want to say, do you want to do this instead and we'll see how much better you can do it? Sigh.

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
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Oh Dr. X, can you make sure you sign off that order?
You don't have to call me doctor you know, just X.
I just thought coz some people like to be called that.
No, no. Not me.
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Winter is back from break and would like its presence be felt once again.

it's only words

A serious conversation:

me: *after a lenghty explanation of why I'm annoyed at him
J: What do you mean?
me: Which one?
J: What does that word that you used mean?
me: Are you kidding?
J: I'm serious. How would I know what you're saying if you're using big words.
me: *laughs And this is why we can't have a serious conversation.

I can't be mad at him. I really can't.
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I hate the word syota. I cringe when I hear it and scolds anyone who dares to use it. I heard J use it once while talking to my brother and couldn't help but pinch him hard - to remember never to use it again and for even daring to mention it.

I can't even begin to describe my hatred for this word. Ugh.
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A patient of mine told the manager that I'm a keeper. It's a compliment I readily and gratefuly take as it doesn't come often. It makes it even more special that she's also a nurse.
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My friend and I talked about the impending doom of hospitals cutting down on nursing staff and redistributing them in other units of the hospital. It's a scary thought especially when my seniority level looms only above 4 other nurses. We joked that if retail stores offer as much money, we would leave our job. It rarely is about the money, but the way things are sometimes, I know otherwise.

Stress is not my friend.
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me: She's telling me that they're cutting nurses in their hospital to hire RPN's instead
J: They're cutting a cyst in her uterus?
me: What the? Where'd you get that?
J: Why? What did you say?
me: *explains it again
J: See, I'm even right beside you and I can't hear properly
me: That's not a good reason

I hate having to repeat myself and J puts this to the test almost everyday. I have a feeling he is slightly deaf in one or both ears - that or I just speak too light. Erm.
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Is it weird that I yell out yoink when I'm about to take something?

give me a break

J can be a wall that can be challenging to talk to. I've tried to tell him things as blunt as I can and at times sugarcoated when I feel like it but so far nothing sticks. I wonder if my communication skills is at fault or whether he is doing this in purpose.

I think I'm being too hard on him sometimes.

I'm waiting for him to tell me to shut up. Really.
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Another 13.5 hours of work gone by courtesy of unwanted overtime. I wouldn't be so cranky if I just had a 30 minute break to eat my lunch peacefully. I don't blame my patients. Who wants to stay in the hospital anyway? They are there for a reason and so am I. It's the workload I'm not too happy about.

I also heard a rumour that I'm good with students, which is why I'm given two at the same time. They follow me around hoping I would do something interesting or even worse to say something intelligent. I talk about the same old thing - I graduated about three years ago and I've been working here ever since. I try my best nonetheless because I still remember how it is to be a student.

In fact, I'm still a student. Everyday there is something new - literally.
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Blank.

break time

Once again I am forced to edit my life. I say life because I've acquired and kept them throughout the years and edit because I have to choose wisely.

Sigh.

I hate cleaning up cabinets and whatnots because I always get distracted by what's in it - cards, letters, memorabilias, photos and random things. You name it, I have it. I saw a bunch of magazine pages that I don't even remember why I found them interesting. Is it Eminem's picture or a list of songs at the back? Then I found sketches I did of cartoon characters and objects in scraps of paper. Are they worth keeping? Still there are those report cards from Kindergarten, school ID from grade school and program for awards night from highschool that I would like to hold on to for as long as I can.

Hmm.

Does it really matter? Do I really need to keep things from the past in order to remember them? I mean, sure my memory can be a little bit unreliable at times but how often do I really need to look back?

So far, the garbage bag is half full.

Goodbye newspaper clippings. Goodbye highschool exam reviewers. So long, random letters and notes. Thank you for the memories keychains. Goodbye mysterious cd's and floppy discs. Sayonara stubs, tickets and brochures.

Hello empty cabinet - wait til I fill you up again.

it's 2010

Someone said it sounds futuristic.

I didn't really think of it that way until I heard it - in church. Erm.
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It's been a week since I welcomed the year with a non-alcoholic drink in one hand and a pen to chart on another. So far, I just feel older. My birthday won't be for months but somehow I can't help but feel the need to do something big this year. I'm not exactly sure what that entails though. Erm.
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J seems lost. I don't think he knows it, nor will he admit to it but I can tell. I'm just letting him be for now and hopefully he figures it out sooner than later. I can be impatient at times.
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What to do ...