fly away

Aside from the sudden craving for chocolates, I am currently singing:

I want to get away

I want to fly away

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(Lenny Kravitz)

I don't know what it says about the state of my mind recently but I'm sure it's some sort of sign.

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After slowly peeling myself off work-mode and on to the comforts of a firm bed on our lounge for a break, my mind buzzed with negativities. I couldn't sleep yet again. Fortunately, Serendipity was showing and I am once again distracted. Why is it that we/I almost always root for couples to break up when they find another person by chance? I mean when it comes to real life, it isn't as romantic as it looks in TV. Well, save for the new couple that gets together that is. Erm. Then again, destiny is destiny and the world has better plans for everyone involved.

As the movie ended, so does my break. I groggily went back to work and told my coworker about not being able to sleep again and about the movie. She replied with, "I hate that movie. That girl is so flaky/flighty". It made me wonder how many of us can actually jump in the unknown without knowing what will happen tomorrow and leave it to chance or destiny?

My mind is in disarray.

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My birthday is slowly approaching and I have yet to make a list of what I would like to buy or get. Erm. My sister already gave me a gift because she said it's been sitting in her closet for a few weeks and "it's getting old". I have another Coach bag! Yey! I've been thinking of getting another bag and one has already caught my eye with a stern disapproval from my pocket. Aside from that, nothing seems to make it to "the list". Sigh.

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I am now going to hunt for chocolates.

w.t.h.

I had a wth moment today. I am trying to censor myself because saying wtf is making me even more irritated. I hate it. The phrase was circulating in my head over and over again taunting me. I had to hold myself back and think happy thoughts before I do something I will regret.

Why is it hard to trust people? I try to be nice and tada, some people think it's okay to do whatever. Well, WTH. I mean really...wth.

Next time, I won't bother to ask. Lesson learned if you ask me.
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Hello Spring, welcome back!

guilty as charged

Yesterday, I received a dozen pink roses and a bear holding a heart with an I love you scribbled in it. J was once again guilty of something. He showed up in my house without calling me first knowing that I would have told him he's not invited to my sister's birthday anymore if he did.

I am a sucker for sorry's and he is an expert in saying it. Sadly, it's a perfect combination if you ask me.

I still tell him that he does things out of guilt.
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Every now and then, we engage in "deep talks". We usually don't agree and we're both stubborn enough to insist we're right. Sometimes, I just like to say things to push his buttons because I want to know how his mind works.

So far, I can proudly say I have "won" one such debate and the rest are a draw.
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We have a wedding to attend to in a few months and I am already dreading the questions of when our turn will be. I really just wish J would lie and pretend he has a plan and say "maybe next year" instead of leaving me hanging to smile and laugh as if I didn't care.

I like plans even if disappointment usually follows. I like plans just for the sake of planning. I like planning to look forward to something.

I seriously want to tell him to just say he's not ready yet than play deaf at their questions.

off with their heads!

Spring is slowly making its way. I can't wait!

I spent most of the sunny weekend looking out the hospital windows. It's not that I would be doing anything exciting if it was my day off anyway but the grass is always greener on the other side. On Sunday, J picked me up from work after an eight hour shift only to be coaxed into helping him clean his car - his pride and joy. Is it wrong that I am jealous? Hahaha.
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I wish I was the type of person who finds reason to get out of the house. The type who would take hobby classes, enjoy a stroll in the park alone and participate in social activities. Instead, I'm the type who wants to do something but finds reason not to do it. I churn out the same lame excuses and reason which I despise when someone else (J) does it. Sigh.

I am not exactly sure whether it is money or the lack of company that prevents me. It could also very well be that I like my comfort zone and anything that would entail me to make a little more effort scares me.

When will I say, life is too short to watch it pass by?
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Last night, instead of watching Alice in Wonderland, J proposed we eat at Korean BBQ. I happily obliged since I have been deprived of filling my stomach with food for lack of time at work. It took us about two hours to cook and eat! This is why I have somewhat given up on the concept of cooking while hungry.

In the end, J turned to me and said, "this is the longest dinner we've had for a long time".

Fast food has been a friend to us.

40 hours later

It doesn't seem that long ago when I helped J moved from his parent's house to an apartment and back again before a year passed. After much deliberation, he finally bought a place of his own and the moving saga began again.

It has been very tiring to say the least.

This time around, we are (finally) convinced that the extra money you pay for delivery is worth every penny - of course it was too late. We hauled a giant mattress on top of our heads to tie it on top of the van while it was freezing cold. By the time we were at his place, he couldn't convince me to do any other work except prepare the take-out soup for late dinner.
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I had another preview of what life would be if I married J:

- I need earplugs to sleep
- grocery shopping will consist of buying 4 items everyday instead of one good shopping trip with everything you need for a week. ugh.
- cost vs. use. I had to convince him that paying good money for something you will use often/everyday (ie. jeans, shoes, bed) is better than buying according to price and have it replaced more often
- I will be picking up after him. ugh.
- he takes longer than I do to get ready (and that's including make-up)
- we're both competing for who can have a shorter attention span
- I hate browsing/window shopping (esp furniture) and he could do it all day, everyday
- closet space will consist of 2/3s his and 1/3 mine

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I can't wait for summer.
I am done with this cold season.