Thursday, September 9, 2010

checking in

I feel numb.

I find myself retreating to my safe place more often these days. A place in my head where no thoughts exist and I am safely in a bubble free from those that try to shatter it. If I can isolate myself figuratively and literally, I would.

I thought about staying in a hotel just for a night to dissect every event, thought and feelings I have. It is a gruelling task meant for a weekend retreat that I can only afford to do in one day. It is something I dream of when things are rough.

I am a runner.

I envision myself hiding in hopes that things will go back to how it was before the storm hit. It is what weak people do. It is what I want to do.

It is maybe for the same reason that I envy those who can face their problems, solve it and move on with their lives - regrets and all. I'm sure I was one of those people before. I must have stumbled somewhere and decided that it is far too tiring to be that way.

I know there are holes and cracks in my bubble but if I can just stay inside a little longer, I know I'll make it through again this time.

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