ding dong

... chimed the doorbell at 10 in the morning.

I treat the doorbell like I would the phone. I only answer depending on my mood and whether or not I have an idea of who it could be on the other side. I dislike unknown callers (as suggested by caller ID) as much as I dislike opening the door for unannounced visitors especially when I'm alone.

A young attractive man wearing a crisp grey suit with a Bible in hand greeted me. I was already uncomfortable to begin with because I was wearing my somewhat see-through pjs but there was no turning back anymore. He shared the word of God before he casually asked what my religion is. I answered with hesitation as I know it's not really religion but rather a lifestyle as I was told numerous times. He nodded with what I can only interpret as approval as if to say "better than nothing". I let him talk while thinking to myself that it was a good idea that I decided to put a sweater on top of what I was wearing. He thenpromised to come and visit again while I ponder the points written on the pamphlet.

I didn't want to be rude and dismiss his effort. Afterall, I know how much courage it takes to do what they do. Aside from that, when am I really home? I work most days and it's rare that I'm awake at 10 in the morning anyway. Erm.
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Everyday I play different kinds of guessing games:
- Sunny or rainy? Warm or cool? Which will tie in with whether or not I should water my dad's plants
- Is there enough food to eat three times a day or not?
- Will he call or not?
- Will I be cranky or smile throughout the day?

I know... some are really choices instead of a game of chance but I would like to believe otherwise. I am stubborn or lazy that way.
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I made the couch my temporary bed while my parents are away. I am now convinced that leather is not my friend and size does matter. Erm.

this is not the end, yet

I was doing perfectly fine when it unexpectedly hit me while praying. The pastor said something and next thing I knew, I was unable to control my tears. A few minutes later, it seemed like the well wouldn't dry up and I excused myself and stood outside the church. I'm sure it was cold but it somehow didn't matter. J followed and comforted me as I made faces to lighten the mood and stop myself from becoming too emotional.

The Church didn't know about what happened and somehow, I felt better that way. It wasn't until someone deduced my tears to what was written on my Friendster that they realized. Word spread throughout and when J's parent's asked me, I couldn't even talk. Instead, tears flowed freely and abundantly again.

The pastor called me to the front and laid their hands on me. A prayer for my Grandma and for my family was offered. I was comforted. In tears I felt some relief and comfort that God is with me. Every hug and handshake I got was very sincere and heartfelt. They knew my pain.
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On a much lighter note, J treated me to dinner at the CN Tower's revolving restaurant. It took a little bit of time to adjust to the revolving part of it as we felt dizzy and odd. The food was pricey but some of it was good - especially the ordinary but yummy apple pie-ish dessert with a scoop of ice cream in the middle. This one could rival my Jello obsession anytime. Haha.

It actually felt like a first date with someone I've known for a long time. :)
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I've been off work for a week and instead of boasting about how well-rested I am or how much sleep I've had, it seems like it's the exact opposite.

lub dub

Last night, my heart was beating with a sense of urgency. The kind that would wake you up at five in the morning hoping to find sunshine instead of darkness for comfort. It doesn't help that my imagination was still active from conjuring up weird dreams that it bled in to my present state. I'm not entirely sure whether it was my irregular heartbeat that resulted in a series of weird dreams or whether it was the other way around. I remember thinking to myself, "is this suppose to be a nightmare?"

Because if it was going to turn out that way, I didn't feel like staying to find out.
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Birthday gifts I received this year: jewelry, fisheye camera and strawberry shortcake
Looking forward to: a promise of a good dinner and company
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The sun is shining and I feel like hopping on to a bus without a definitive plan. I haven't done anything spontaneous lately. They all somehow fall in the category of being impulsive instead. The difference between the two may not be night and day but I follow my own dictionary anyway. I still have Saturday to plan for this. Wake up early, take my camera and just go.

Wish me luck.

If nothing happens, maybe that's as spontaneous as I get - imagining what-could-have-beens. Erm.