It's pay day today and I have yet to see my hard work translated into $. Since this is my first salary, I'm overly excited and checked my account as soon as I felt like it wasn't too early to exert effort. Disappointment never fails to disappoint me though. It wasn't there and two things ran through my head: (a) Did I give the right banking information to pay roll? (b) Is it really pay day today?
Hmmm.
Maybe I'll just wait. It's not like I had plans to go out and spend said hard-earned money on maybe a laptop or much needed shoes. Anyway, I'm drawn to the Sony VAIO's cuteness. Gasp. How can I possibly choose a laptop this way? Well, it's because I've consulted computer geeks (yes, they know I call them that and I say it with affection. haha) and it's okay. As for the shoes, I have to wait until we cross the border and shop at Buffalo. I'm still undecided about the laptop and might only be convinced if only I can see how much I earned.
And since I know Disappointment almost always shows up like an uninvited guest at the most inopportune time, I decided to round up my expected salary to the lowest possible amount. Apparently, deductions are a killer. So now, I wait.
Tomorrow and the rest of the weekend will be spent sleeping during the day and working at nights. Hello pimples and eyebags. Goodbye bed.
-------------------------
Memory lapse moment:
him: Remember when we passed by that dinosaur foot print and I pointed it out to you?
me: When?
him: Umm...an hour ago?
me: Are you sure I was listening when you were talking?
him: Yeah. You even said something.
me: Oh. I honestly don't remember that conversation.
I wonder what else my memory has been depriving me of?!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
are you happy now?
As I listen to this Michelle Branch song, my state of mind changes into a particular mood reserved for a lazy Sunday afternoon or a rainy day spent lying in bed. I automatically link it to a time that generated a feeling of discontent about the various aspects of my life. In other words, for me it's a thinking song.
A friend of mine asked me if I was happy. I am a reluctant optimist. I always hope for the best and try to see the good side of things but is inevitably followed by the thought that some things are too good to be true. In some ways, it limits my happiness. I almost always have to think of a plan B just in case things don't turn out the way I wanted them to. It is draining and frustrating to say the least.
I don't exactly remember what was included in my things-that-make-me-happy list but I have a feeling it's somewhat silly or superficial. I can almost hear myself say, "eating strawberry cheesecake icecream on a hot day". Sometimes I say I am happy without hesitation. Other times, I can say I am content. Whether those two things are different or not is something I care not to worry myself over.
I remember a Bible study I participated in probably more than ten years ago. The aspiring-pastor-slash-cousin's fiancee asked, "what's the difference between joy and happiness". I vaguely remember what the answer was but it did made me wonder which feeling I associate myself more these days.
I don't know where I am getting at or the point of this entry. Blame it on the song, it made me think.
In any case, I passed my exam and I am now officially a registered nurse. I am happy and relieved about the result. Did I also mention that I am scared out of my mind? :$
A friend of mine asked me if I was happy. I am a reluctant optimist. I always hope for the best and try to see the good side of things but is inevitably followed by the thought that some things are too good to be true. In some ways, it limits my happiness. I almost always have to think of a plan B just in case things don't turn out the way I wanted them to. It is draining and frustrating to say the least.
I don't exactly remember what was included in my things-that-make-me-happy list but I have a feeling it's somewhat silly or superficial. I can almost hear myself say, "eating strawberry cheesecake icecream on a hot day". Sometimes I say I am happy without hesitation. Other times, I can say I am content. Whether those two things are different or not is something I care not to worry myself over.
I remember a Bible study I participated in probably more than ten years ago. The aspiring-pastor-slash-cousin's fiancee asked, "what's the difference between joy and happiness". I vaguely remember what the answer was but it did made me wonder which feeling I associate myself more these days.
I don't know where I am getting at or the point of this entry. Blame it on the song, it made me think.
In any case, I passed my exam and I am now officially a registered nurse. I am happy and relieved about the result. Did I also mention that I am scared out of my mind? :$
Saturday, July 14, 2007
do you think of me too?
Taken from Whattheduck
This is how I've been feeling lately. My attention span rivals that of a one year old playing with a toy truck. As soon as I see something remotely interesting other than what's in front of me, I'm gone mentally way before my body decides to move. I lose interest in things so easily that thinking about it is a distraction in itself. Sigh.
As if that isn't bad enough, my memory is as dependable as the weather forecast for the week. I forget the topic of conversations even if it was just five minutes ago or it takes a lot of effort to remember certain events/things that were once embedded in my memory. Even more frustrating is knowing that you know whatever it is but for the life of you can't seem to recall the more important aspect of it. Sigh.
I guess it doesn't help that my mind if filled to the rim with trivial information, useless thoughts, anxiety-inducing what-ifs and questions that are left unanswered. I wish I had some sort of filing system in my head to organize my thoughts accordingly or at least prioritize them.
An acquaintance asked me if he already told me his life story. I joked that my memory is not that great and I'm not exactly sure what was said during our last conversation. He retaliated by saying it's probably because I only think about my boyfriend. I laughed and replied with a casual, "if he's the only thing in my head, then I wouldn't mind". I figured I don't need to tell him what I really think of most of the time. After all, a comment like that means two things to me. First, he doesn't know me enough. Second, I don't care about his life to file his love story in my memory bank as things-to-remember-no-matter-what category. As if I don't have enough useless information in my head. Sigh.
For now, I'll have to rely on this shady memory of mine and pray that the things I actually pay attention to matter. It would be a shame if I end up forgetting and dismissing what I once found interesting and important.
As if that isn't bad enough, my memory is as dependable as the weather forecast for the week. I forget the topic of conversations even if it was just five minutes ago or it takes a lot of effort to remember certain events/things that were once embedded in my memory. Even more frustrating is knowing that you know whatever it is but for the life of you can't seem to recall the more important aspect of it. Sigh.
I guess it doesn't help that my mind if filled to the rim with trivial information, useless thoughts, anxiety-inducing what-ifs and questions that are left unanswered. I wish I had some sort of filing system in my head to organize my thoughts accordingly or at least prioritize them.
An acquaintance asked me if he already told me his life story. I joked that my memory is not that great and I'm not exactly sure what was said during our last conversation. He retaliated by saying it's probably because I only think about my boyfriend. I laughed and replied with a casual, "if he's the only thing in my head, then I wouldn't mind". I figured I don't need to tell him what I really think of most of the time. After all, a comment like that means two things to me. First, he doesn't know me enough. Second, I don't care about his life to file his love story in my memory bank as things-to-remember-no-matter-what category. As if I don't have enough useless information in my head. Sigh.
For now, I'll have to rely on this shady memory of mine and pray that the things I actually pay attention to matter. It would be a shame if I end up forgetting and dismissing what I once found interesting and important.
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