The thought of failing scares me. It is not even about feeling stupid after it that I am worried about, it's the fact that EVERYONE knows that I am taking it.
My friends and I talk about it all the time. How many times have I heard my parents talk about money and how I can finally help pay whatever debt or loan we have acquired over the years? How many conversations have I had with family and friends about the fact that I am going to finally be a nurse?
I've joked so many times that if this ever happens, I will either (a) lock myself in a room and never leave the house (b) check myself in the nearest mental facility (c) commit an unspeakable deed (d) go back to Philippines and let four months pass by.
I'm an optimist but if my friend who is part of many nursing clubs a.k.a. smart-enough-to-be-invited-to-fancy-ceremonies, on the Dean's list and an all around A+ student almost failed the readiness test, what about me? I'm not stupid but I don't retain information as well as I used to. Sigh.
It seems like I have trust issues, relationship-wise. It's not that he isn't trustworthy or that I think he will ever cheat on me, I just feel incapable of giving myself fully. There's always that voice in my head reminding me to take a step back in case our relationship doesn't work out. Sometimes I just tell it to shut up but it comes back.
I don't keep it a secret. I tell him. He assures me and I say okay. It's a cycle.
I missed the PostSecret exhibition because I was too drained from studying. The weather was also uncooperative and decided to rain at random times. I'm kind of disappointed because it's the only one planned for this year here in Canada. Sigh.