the randomness of it all

When you don't have to listen to lyrics, the songs are quite the same. They're the same songs that talk about love, lost love and loving every thing else. It's simple as that.

As we dined and talked about whatever came to mind, we were eventually hypnotized by the belly dancer. How they can move with such precision and energy is beyond me. She shook every part of her body effortlessly and with a smile on her face for what seems to be almost an hour. Even I was tired without having to move an inch in my seat.

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There's a certain moment in time that I love. The time wherein everything is suspended and I can't help but smile. It's hard to explain but words won't do justice to the feeling anyway.

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I just found out that J loves to watch the History Channel. He gushed over the attack at Normandy while I remembered bits and pieces of it during History class in highschool. *shudder* After one bloody recollection of the factual events, we then watched the same bloody beginning of Saving Private Ryan.

War is something that I hate to think about. The lives lost and how history just repeats itself - over and over and over again.

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I hate writing when I have to do it using crappy pens. The type of pens that is more than 0.7, iffy inks and flimsy grip. Today, I went to Staples and bought myself 12 black pens, 3 red pens and one eraser.

breaking up is hard to do

How do you break up with someone you love?

I know that's a stupid question because there's a million and one reason why someone would break up with their significant other and another million or so ways of doing it but it's hard to actually go through it. At least that would be the case if even when doing so, you still love the person. If the love is gone then it could be as easy as hanging up the phone and saying goodbye.

I've attempted to break up with J for different reasons and everytime I fail. It's not only because I'm weak but I think it's also because I know it's not good enough to leave someone for it. Tonight was the same thing all over again. I even said that it has to be the worst break-up because he believed that he had a choice in the matter. If we all have a choice about break-ups, there would be less couples going through with it and well, more unhappy people going about a forced relationship.

J and I are different and the same at the same time. I feel that we balance each other without being the extreme opposite. It is this balance that makes this relationship work.

I need to work on something as much as he needs to change his ways. Afterall, we all need to compromise. I just hope that things do change because even I would dread the day that I have to go through it. Eek.

In any case, it would be hard to call him by his name again. I try to do so when we're in public and I feel like it's someone else. I also find it weird when he says my name. :S

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Yummy for the day: Thai version of turon (with jackfruit) and green tea ice cream on the side
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Things to buy: new nursing shoes (preferably the same Nike pair I have for outside), nursing bag (that would fit more baon and clothes), pasalubong, gift for my sister (she's requesting something nice and expensive)

oh, I'm just tired

I try to have "selective hearing" when I'm at work - take the positive and let go of the negative. It's not to say that I don't take in to consideration what people tell me, I'm just, as I said, selective.

When I was in third year, I cried when a patient screamed at me even though I knew that it was her diagnosis that led her to act that way. Nowadays, I brush off a "f*ck off" as if I hear it everyday. Instead I say, "oh okay, I'll come back again later then" and march right back a few minutes after to either get the same treatment or an actual cooperation. Thankfully, I haven't been unbearably verbally abused or physically hurt in the process.

In saying that, I was actually offended and hurt when a patient refused care from me. I won't go into details but I don't recall an incident that would lead that person to think of me that way. Sigh. It does bother me but at the back of my head, I just keep reassuring myself that I know otherwise. :(

At the end of days like these, I just tell myself - I'm a good nurse...I'm a good nurse.

Confidence is a plus - so I've heard. :P

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You know what's good - orange creamsicle while trying to survive another day at work.

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Ever had that burning sensation on your lips when you're dehydrated and unfortunately don't have a lip balm? I do! I DO! And I have it right now! I have to cover my lips and the surrounding skin with ample amount of Vaseline just to relieve the pain. It does make for instant coloured lips. It's even better than rubbing my lips with red M&Ms when I was a kid. :D

good cop, bad cop

Let's get this out of the way first - I can be lazy and there are days I don't want to go to work. If I can say so, I even have days I would beg to cut my 12 hours into 8 just to lessen the suffering. Erm. Suffering is a strong word but I can't find any other term at the moment. Don't get me wrong, nursing is fulfilling and I do enjoy it but when I need a break, I need a break.

In saying that, I don't understand people who have no work ethics. Nursing, and I'm sure a lot of other jobs too, is not the type of work that you can just say "oh well, I woke up late - maybe I don't need to show up". In an environment when team work is important, it is very much frowned upon. Of course, that is an understatement. Everyone needs a "mental health day" or a sick day but to call it as such every time is just laughable.

Tomorrow, I will have to confront someone who's doing this and I will have to think of few choice words to say. We all have reasons but sometimes, when our reasons sounds like lame excuses, it's time for change. :S

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I am 1.5 pounds closer to 100 pounds. Haha. It's embarrasing to say how much I really weight but who cares. Maybe by the end of the month, I'll be closer and closer to my desired weight. :D

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Favourite snack at the moment: Celery sticks drenched with Caesar dressing :D
The quest for the best strawberry shake/smoothie continues...

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I have yet to buy my sister a gift and it's been a week since her birthday. Erm. My need/want for shopping has diminished quite a lot these past few weeks. If I can just force myself to go to the mall, maybe I'll find something good.

because I can

Luggage. Check.
Pasalubong. Pending.
Ticket. Pending.

Sigh.

So far, that's all I have - an expensive luggage that I wish I didn't buy. Hmp.

We tried to buy pasalubong yesterday but it was harder than we thought. You see, we haven't bought anything for ourselves recently because (1) we're saving for our plane tickets (2) we have bills to pay (3) we're trying not to swipe as much. This then resulted to us having the-kid-in-a-candy-store syndrome wherein we find something remotely interesting and immediately find reasons to buy it. Of course we need that. Erm. So far, we managed to buy goodies for ummm about 5 people on our list. Why did they stop selling Victoria's Secret lotion in La Senza again?

I did end up buying sour gummy worms for myself to make me happy. :D

not a happy camper

As luck would have it, I am paying more taxes.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, he will get a hefty amount enough to have me begging if I can share in his wealth. It was a joke before I learned about what I had to pay but now, I'm not too sure. I will definitely have to ask for some help as not to upset my well-balanced monthly budget.

Sigh.

Lesson learned: Buy more RRSPs, pay more money to my government loan and save open a tax free savings account. whyohwhy
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I discovered mini donuts from Krispy Kreme.

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Today will be known as could-have-been-a-park-day a.k.a. summer's-coming-soon.

bits and pieces #59

Once again, I've proven that ignorance is bliss.

I still remember when one of my good friends and I were walking to another friend's house when she blurted out, "sana nga di na lang natin nalaman noh". I'm sure it wasn't a life altering information but it was enough to convince me that there are things that is better left unknown. Erm.

In any case, what I found out was more amusing than any thing else. :$

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Flashback:

While waiting for the teacher to come to our class, my seatmates and I were talking amongst ourselves. I don't remember what the conversation was but all of a sudden, someone let out a huge cough that produced a thick, green phlegm. Unfortunately, it landed on my friend's dark blue skirt. No, it didn't skid down as one might imagine, but unfortunately was stuck. For a brief moment, we all looked at it. Then, she screamed, gagged and panicked while he fumbled for a piece of paper to wipe out the offending blob. I was literally in tears while laughing at the whole situation.

I'm not sure what happened after because my memory bank is limited but to this day I still laugh like it just took place yesterday. :$

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Conversation:

me: So, what am I going to do to you if you don't call me?
him: Ummm, nothing?
me: I don't think so.
him: You can pinch me as much as you want.
me: Forever and anytime I want.
him: No, only for the day.
me: Why? You know you won't call that's why you're trying to bargain.
him: Fine...
me: And you know I'll do it and I won't feel sorry for you right?
him: Fine..

Unfortunately (this time), he did call. Sigh. In a perfect world, I would get everything I want. :$

take a look in the kaleidoscope

It's impossible not to shed tears or to be more exact, cry for two hours, while watching Eat Bulaga's tribute to Francis M. I find it weird that although I don't know him personally, I feel "affected", as my coworker said, about his death. It may be that I still mourn for my late uncle and everytime I hear of someone passing away, I can't help but feel that way. I have not fully accepted it and I don't think it will happen any time soon.

During the tribute, I was amazed to learn the accomplishements he had in the forty four years he was here. He was an actor, a rapper, photographer, breakdancer and a business man. I mean how passionate and talented he must be to excel in all of the things he pursued.

I guess to say that he is inspirational will be an understatement.

Even though I more know him as the-one-who-sang Kaleidoscope, it's never too late appreciate what he was and what he had done.

And just to prove that point, I rediscovered this song. :)

good night

I don't know where to begin and if I did, who knows what the ending would be.

Almost night after night, I wait for that phone call. If I don't get it, I convince myself that there is a reason and that I should just accept it. The next day will begin with a sorry and end with an I love you. It's a simple cycle I should be accustomed to. He doesn't understand why it's important to me and I don't understand what's so hard about this simple request.

Sigh.

La di da.

Ever heard of a couple who broke up because of this very reason?

Is tonight soon enough?

Erm. Kidding.

I am that girl who will continue to hope. The kind of girl who believes there's an ounce of romance left in him. Someone who fervently hopes that she will get over this silly thing and realize that the good definitely outweighs the bad.

in any case

Dear Mr. Dentist,

First of all, thank you for doing my fillings again. Afterall, I don't wanna sound ungrateful. In saying that, I just want to let you know that I don't appreciate the fact that you rest your instruments on my lips, the way your labcoat brushes my face too often and how heavy your hands are. There are times that I honestly want to push them away but feared that I might inadvertently scrape your instruments in my face too. It also doesn't help that the light shines on my eyes the whole hour I had to lie there while in the unconfortable Trendelenberg position. It's not even the scary needle that you used to inject anesthesia on my gums or the extra dose of it that was sprayed on my tongue that bothered me the most. It was mostly the cold hard instruments that pushed and grazed my lips and teeth as you repositioned them so often. Sigh.

In any case, I would have gladly given you a piece of my mind but it seems like you are new to this. I sympathize with you because I do sometimes focus on the task and not on the person in front of me at times. I guess in time you'll be better at recognizing that your patients have reasons why their eyes are tightly shut and their hands fidget every now and then.

Sincerely,

the girl who said thank you anyway

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On a lighter note:

1. My mom finally transformed the jello packets I bought to something yummy
2. Wednesday will be an educational day
3. I am getting more and more excited about summer
4. My nephew finally knows my name
5. Eggo waffles are the best snack with a hefty serving of maple syrup
6. Weekend will be spent lounging about in my pjs (hopefully)

pick me

The vacation schedule was finally posted this week and I got what I requested - 3 weeks of vacation. Yey!

Now comes the hard part as it entails decisions as to who I'm going with, how long I will stay and when I am leaving. :S My aunt and uncle already booked a flight that has a US stop-over. My parents on the other hand, does not want that but will be leaving the same day. My sister and brother are going two days after the said date because of her work schedule. So which one do I choose?

If that's not confusing enough, all of them have their own agenda as to how long they'll be staying. My sister for two and a half weeks, my parents for three weeks and my aunt for a month. Erm. Then the fact that each flight will cost between $1100 to $1800 can be a deal breaker. Sigh.

At this point, I am leaning towards staying the full three weeks just because I need time away from work. It also means that I'll have more time to spend with my family and friends because it might take a while before I can come back again. There are two cons to this decision (a) the longer I stay, the more I spend (b) I'm back to work 1-2 days after I land - jetlag!

Choices, choices.

Surprisingly, he doesn't mind if I stay there longer because he thinks its a waste of money if I only go for two weeks. This means that he is not a factor in my decision making. Erm.

fifteen minutes of...

Fame? Nope.

Pleasure? Not necessarily.

Pain? Not exactly.

Relief? Yes!

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Every once in a while, we are blessed with a 15 minute massage while at work. It is either done as a pat-on-the-back for a job well done or an incentive to keep going. :S

Anyway...

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These golden minutes are enough for the masseur to tell you that you have been straining your lower back and shoulder muscles from the heavy lifting you do at work and the bad posture you have been accustomed to since who knows when. You also kind of wonder to yourself too when you can use old age as an excuse for this pain and not just because of bad body mechanics. Fortunately, you have a chance to listen to relaxing music with your face down on this weird chair you have to awkwardly straddle and try to forget work even for a moment. Fifteen minutes passes by in a blink of an eye and you almost want to beg for more. Sigh.

Fastforward to two days and you still have a sore back from the pressure applied by the masseur to take out the knots in your muscles as he pondered whether you have a curved spine. (I am still convincing myself that I have a straight spine contrary to his observation.) Hmp.

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I still have a few hundred dollars worth of massage this year if I actually use my benefit but laziness is more than enough reason not to visit my doctor for a prescription. Besides, I still need to completely get over this soreness before I embark on a whole hour of pain relief followed by a few days off discomfort. :S